t's almost 5 in the morning and I can't sleep .... spent the better part of the day sleeping after a night of good times (giggles) ... Sitting here nursing this consistent cough with tea and cough drops ... and thinking of him and what I gotta do ... let go ...
I can't keep waiting. I mean, I've been patient. You needed time ... I gave it ... You needed space ... I gave it ... You needed to know I'm still here ... still care ... I acquiesced ... but what about me? What about what I want? How I feel? I can't continue to keep my feelings in a little box in my pocket ... the box is starting to poke at my thigh ... prodding ... reminding ... What about me? ... So I gotta bounce pa. I gotta make moves for me 'cause while you've been doing you, I've been on the sideline waiting, hoping, thinking maybe today you'll come around and tell me, let's do this ... but you haven't and I'm tired ...
I read something recently, "Don't let someone be your priority if for them you're just an option." I've done that with you ... I convoluted things to make myself believe otherwise ... I wrote a new book about it ... twisted tale of running away and letting go ... it took me almost a year ... I wondered why ... why I fought with it ... put it away for a while ... lost faith in it for a minute ... almost trashed it ... but when I reread it, shit, it was a work of art that deserved to be completed ... and put out there ... and so the book has traveled with me, developed with me throughout this twisted affair ... and as I put it to bed, so I must put this ... you ... you were the inspiration and for that I am evergrateful ... but it does not suffice to continue to cheat myself of experiencing something real because of the foolish notion that perhaps today you will awaken ... Nah, ya no puedo ... so I guess I'll see you next lifetime ... no hard feelings ...
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