Guns Blazing

I'm putting the gun in the holster (Thanks Alicia) ... So, while I'm ready to put myself out there, to come in with guns blazing, I realize that he's not ready ... Perhaps he senses the profundity of what I'm about to tell him. Shit, it's some deep shit that's been simmering and marinating ... boiling over ... for 12 fucking years ... It's alot ... And even if he doesn't know, his head is somewhere else ... so he's gotta handle that, right? *sighs* ... It all goes back to something I posted some time ago ... TIMING!

In your life, you'll make note of a lot of people.
Ones with whom you shared something special,
ones who will always mean something.
There's the one you first kissed,
the one you first loved,
the one you lost your virginity to,
the one you put on a pedestal,
the one you're with
...and the one that got away.

Who is the one that got away?
I guess it's that person with who everything was great,
everything was perfect, but the timing was just wrong.
There was no fault in the person,
there was no flaw in the chemistry,
but the cards just didn't fall the right way, I suppose.

I believe in the fact that ending up with someone,
finding a longtime partner that is,
does not lie merely in the other person.
I can actually argue that an equal part,
or maybe even the greater part,
has to do with the matter of timing.
It has to do with you being ready to settle down
and commit to someone in a way that goes
beyond the little niceties of giddy romance.

How often have you gone through it without even realizing it?
When you're not ready to commit in that mature manner,
it doesn't matter who you're with,
it just doesn't work.
Small problems become big;
inconsequentials become dealbreakers
simply because you're not ready and it shows.
It's not that you and the person you're with are no good;
it's just that it's not yet right,
and little things become the flashpoint of that fact.

Then one day you're ready. You really are.
And when this happens you'll be
ready to settle down with someone.
He or she may not be the most perfect,
they might not be the brightest star of
romance to ever have burned in your life,
but it'll work because you're ready.
It'll work because it's the right time
and you'll make it work.
And it'll make sense,
...it really will.

So that day comes when you're finally making sense of things,
and you find yourself to be a different person.
Things are different,
your approach is different,
you finally understand who you are
and what you want,
and you've become ready because the time has
truly arrived. And mind you,
there's no telling when this day will come.
Hopefully you're single
but you could be in a long-term relationship,
you could be married with three kids, it doesn't matter.
All you know is that you've changed,
and for some reason,
the one that got away,
is the first person you think about.

You'll think about them
because you'll wonder, "What if they were here today?"
You'll wonder, "What if we were together now,
with me as I am and not as I was?"
That's what the one that got away is.
The biggest "What if?" you'll have in your life.

If you're married, you'll just have to accept the fact
that the one that got away, GOT AWAY.
Believe me, no matter how fairy tale you think your marriage is,
this can happen to the best of us.
But hopefully you're mature enough to realize
that you're already with the one you're with
and this is just another test of your commitment,
one which will just strengthen your marriage when you get past it.
Sure, you'll think about him/her every so often, but it's alright.
It's never nice to live with a "might have been," but it happens.

Maybe the one that got away is the one who's already married.
In which case it's the same thing.
You just have to accept and know that your
memories of that person will probably bring a
nice little SMILE to your lips in the future
when you're old and gray and reminiscing.

But if neither of that is the case, then it's different.
What do you do if it's not yet too late?
Simple...find him, find her.
Because the very existence of a "one that got away"
means that you'll always wonder,
what if you got that one?

Ask him out to coffee, ask her out to a movie,
it doesn't matter if you've dropped in from out of nowhere.
You'd be surprised, you just might be
"the one that got away" as well for the person who
is your "the one that got away."

You might drop in from out of nowhere
and it won't make a difference.
If the timing is finally right,
it'll all just fall into place somehow
and you know, I'm thinking, it would be a great
feeling, in the end, to be able to say to someone....
"Hey you, you're the one that almost got away."


And that's just it ... I thought for a while that he was the one that got away 'cause of something that happened when we tried to date before ... and thus why I cut him out of my life for so long ... until that e-mail over a year ago ... Shit! But while the timing can be right for me, it doesn't matter if it isn't for him ... the timing has to be right for both in order for it to work ...

As a good friend told me a little while ago, even when you do tell him, when you finally get the opportunity, he may not respond right away ... it's a lot. He'll have to mull over it, chew on it ... he'll have to figure a lot out for himself ... but you would have done what you could, just as you've done what you can now ... You put that energy out there to the universe ... You did your part. You now have to believe ... have faith ... come now and continue to walk with love ... and it will come back ... you have to believe ...

I live by these words: "Try not. Do or do not. There is no try." ... So I know there is no try ... there is either do or don't do ... but damn, there's trying in the doing! *sighs*

Listening to: "Number 41" by Dave Matthews ... If you don't know the song, you are missing out on this treasure ... the lyrics ... oh ...