Things Fall Apart

(written 2/2)

"Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with? Fall head over heels. I say find someone you can love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. I'm not hearing any heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you'll come back. Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love - well, you haven't lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived."
- William Parish, Meet Joe Black

I found this quote on someone's page and had to post it ... and muse over the many thoughts and emotions it provoked. YES! What life is worth living if you're not willing to risk? If you're not willing to forget your head sometimes and just follow your irrational heart ... for the heart doesn't think, it feels ... it knows without having to think ... And my heart has been screaming at me for so long and out of fear and worry, I tried to hush her ... I threw on my iPod full blast to drown out what she's been saying ... but ain't no noise, no shout, no blaring, screeching sound like that of the ignored heart ... She's saying, "V, stop ignoring me. You know what you want. You've wanted it for so long ... Say it! Stop fuckin' frontin'!" ... So I'm ready to say it ... To open up and put it out there ... I want you pa ...

Yesterday I told him we weren't on the same page. His honest, forthright answer, "And when have you ever told me what page you're on?" ... So brutally true ... You can't expect someone to read your mind, to try to decipher your cryptic messages ... I've done this before ... I can't do it again.

As my best friend told me, we're not spring chickens anymore. I'm not an old lady either but I'm no longer a child. I'm a grown woman, I'm a mom, I'm an ambitious writer with two books under her belt ... and a mag ... What's good? This is what I have to offer ... wanna ride with me? See where this goes? If not, peace ... Yeah, it'll sting a bit ... a lot ... but I'll heal ... I've always said I'd rather know than not know ... Now I feel I'd rather know than not know ... Now I know ... I'm ready ... watch out now!

So I'm putting it out there ... I'm putting myself out there ... I'll be vulnerable ... I'll give it a shot for the chance of experiencing love again ... for if I don't take that risk, why even bother?

I want to love like crazy ... I want to be loved like crazy ... I want someone who will love my daughter ... for to love me is to love her ... I want someone to walk next to me ... to hold me when I'm weak and support me when I'm strong ... Don't be scared. I just want to know you ... I want to feel you ... You ready? Fuck everything else ... Yes, things fall apart but that shit don't matter ... You never know if you don't do it ... so let's do this ... together ...

*Listening to: Things Fall Apart - The Roots (1999)" ...